sexinthesticksandstuff

A little about me, why I’m here, and how I’m finding my way back to myself—one adventure, uncomfortable conversation, and really steamy session at a time.

Hi, I’m Melody. I’m a 35-year-old, white, bisexual woman, a total lover girl, a little goofy, a little diva, and someone who has spent a considerable amount of her life thinking, talking, and learning about relationships, sex, power and what it means to be a woman in this world.

I’m also newly familiar with the world of dating after being married for seven years, separated and divorced from my ex-husband, and navigating what it means to rediscover myself after that relationship. I’ve been back out in the dating world for the past year, and let me tell you—it’s been an experience…

I have always been a lover girl. I love connection, intimacy, chemistry, flirting, affection, anticipation, and the butterflies that come with being excited about someone. I love kissing, holding, touching, playing, and all the little ways we communicate desire and affection, and experience pleasure. I’ve also always had strong sexual urges and desires. Not just for sex itself, but for physical closeness, sensuality, exploration, and the feeling of being fully immersed in another person and in my own body.

For a long time, I think I internalized messages about what it meant to be a woman who wanted too much, felt too much, or desired too openly. Messages about being appropriate, desirable but not too sexual, independent but not intimidating, and lovable without asking for too much.

Outside of my endless fascination with relationships and sex, I’m a pretty fun person (at least I think so). I’m goofy. I love to dance. I’m physically active and happiest when I’m moving my body, whether that’s hiking, going to the gym, pole dancing, or heading out on some random adventure.

I’m also kind of a diva! I love beautiful things, good food, thoughtful experiences, and anything that activates my senses (the Taurus in me LOL). I want to taste, smell, see, hear, touch, and experience all the pleasures life has to offer. I contain multitudes: I can be deeply introspective and aware, while simultaneously being a messy bitch.

The past several years has brought a lot of change, loss, reflection, heartache, and unlearning. I’ve had to look honestly at the ways I’ve shown up in relationships, the roles I’ve played, the ways I’ve abandoned parts of myself, and the messages I’ve absorbed about what love is supposed to look like. Not only did I navigate leaving an abusive and unhealthy marriage, but I also lost my father and terminated a pregnancy. I plan to dive into these experiences as well as navigating sex after sexual assault(s), chronic pain, and mental health struggles.

I’m finding my power and drive back. I’m reconnecting with my body, my desires, my curiosity, and the parts of myself that may have gotten quieter over the years. And honestly? I’m having the best sex of my life now. Not because everything is perfect or because I’ve figured out all the answers, but because I’m beginning to understand that my pleasure belongs to me. My body belongs to me. My desire belongs to me. My curiosity belongs to me.

I’m currently pursuing my dream of becoming a sex educator, which feels like a pretty natural direction for someone who has been fascinated by relationships and sex since she was young. I love sex. I love talking about sex. I love learning about sex. But more than that, I love what conversations about sex can reveal about people: our identities, our insecurities, our power, our boundaries, our pleasure, and our capacity for connection. I want to contribute to creating spaces where people can talk about these things honestly, without shame or judgment.

I hope you stick around for the ride!